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The Dance of Intimacy
The Dance of Intimacy
by Harriet Lerner
Edition: Paperback
Price: $10.87
937 used & new from $0.01

5.0 out of 5 stars The Dance of Intimacy, January 14, 2013
This review is from: The Dance of Intimacy (Paperback)

I have had this book on my TBR pile for a while and finally got around to reading it. It is a woman’s guide to courageous acts of change in key relationships. Harriet is the author of the “The Dance of Anger and “The Dance of Deception.” This book was published in 1989 which was 24 years ago!

What do you learn about failed relationships? You learn what intimacy love is NOT. This book will challenge your beliefs about how you view intimacy. The secret key to know, learn and understand foremost is that you cannot change others you can only change yourself. This book is about making responsible and lasting changes that enhance your capacity for genuine closeness which will be staying together “Over the long haul.”

What is intimacy? It is to be who you are in a relationship and allow the other person to do the same.

1.Talk openly about whatever is “important to you.”
2.Clarify the limits of what is acceptable and tolerable to you in the relationship.
3.Stay emotionally connected to that other party who thinks, feels and believes differently; without needing to change, convince, or fix the other person. (Neither party should silence, sacrifice, or betray the self and each person should express their strengths and vulnerability’s, weaknesses and competence in a balanced way).

Your number one goals are to have relationships with others that do not operate at the expense of the other. The key is as long as women function FOR men, Men will HAVE NO NEED TO CHANGE. So the solutions are that a man will change when you stop functioning FOR HIM. It is only through working on yourself that you can begin to enhance your connectedness to others.

IF you want change then this is a perfect book for basic understanding.
If you feel “Stuck” in a relationship this book is one that will help you get “Unstuck.” The challenge of change is greatest when a relationship becomes a sourced of negative energy and frustration and our attempts to fix things only Lead to more of the same.
What was something I have learned by reading this book? In order to help change someone be less flexible to their demands. In other words, if you are always catering to your child, your spouse, STOP doing it. This creates change in them automatically. What a great concept.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has difficulty in their relationships, with intimacy or if you just want to learn how to not change others but change yourself.
© 2013 Jackie Paulson